Be Honest With Yourself
First I must confess another struggle I have to deal with often which is procrastination. In my favor I have been thinking about this topic for some time, but wanted some time to think about it. I also question if this blog is something that is within God's will for my life, but I received confirmation two weeks ago in church. I was praying about it when the pastor read the very scripture that my blog is based on. My husband heard it and later confirmed he knew that was a confirmation for me too. So, here we go. Let's jump in.
I am a Christian and I will not apologize for it. The decision is mine and mine alone, so please refrain if you have a difference of opinion on my beliefs.
I fail to remember the blog that inspired my thoughts today, but after much research, it is from the blog titled Unveiled Wife. Jennifer Smith often posts subject matter that hits home. This one was no exception. I also definitely recommend her book with the same title. It is great reading and I can honestly say I've read it a few times. I've even given a copy or two away to other women that seem they needed the book more than me at the time. She also wrote Wife After God which I highly recommend as well.
In a nutshell, the blog discussed your motives in life. Your real motives. Why do you do the things you do? Are you honest with yourself or do you make excuses because you know what you are doing is wrong? Do you try to justify why you think what you do or act the way you do or the temptation to seek revenge against someone you feel has wonged you? It is a deep subject. Admittedy, many people are not honest with themselves and may not understand my motive behind this blog. Again, I encourage self awareness and growth in order to become a more mature person and all those you come in contact with. Ultimately, it is to help you too.
God has certainly helped me with my anger issues early on in life. I still struggle with it from time to time, but in those moments of intense anger or feeling a loss of control, I have to ask myself why I feel the way I do. Am I trying to place blame on my husband to cover up how I really feel? Often I find that is the case. It is not pleasant at times because it tends to be panful. God wants us all to grow and you cannot and should not hinder your own progress and ultimately a blessing from God.
I use this exercise all the time and recently I practiced it with my husband. He was upset about a subject, which I can't recall at this time. I felt there was more to this and that he was angry and frustrated. I asked him what his real motive behind the action he wanted to take. He was quiet at first, but he admitted it was out of retaliation and revenge. Again, I didn't use this execisse to embarrass or shame him, but help him to see the bigger picture. How awesome is that?
My husband and I struggle with trust as it has recently been broken. As many of you are aware, trust can be broken so easily, yet so hard to rebuild. I have good and bad days, but on my bad days I force myself to acknowledge my feelings and recognize it is okay to feel the way I am feelng. However, when I lash out at my husband that is where I cross the line. It is not loving. God would not be pleased with me. I have to acknowledge how I feel and also WHY I feel the way I do in order for me to continue to heal. Sometimes I allow the enemy to fester and I want to hurt him the way he hurt me. It is defintely a testimony as I can see growth in my life. Ten years ago I would have packed and left. Even though nothing seriousy happened, it was still a sin and I was deeply hurt and wounded as I could not imagine my husband would ever do this as it is not his nature. So again, I'm not preaching to you as I'm having to practice this in my own life. I am not perfect and I have fallen short on so many occasions, to include against my husband. John 8:7 says He who is without sin among you, cast the first stone. Obviously I cannot do that. I sin. I sin everyday. It may not be the same sin, but I fall short EACH AND EVERY DAY. Who am I to be his judge and jury? The sin hurt me and affected our relationship, but ulitmately he will have to anwer to the Lord. I hold onto that tightly sometimes to get me through. Not my will, but Thy will be done Lord.
Psalm 24:3-5 says who may ascend into the hill of the Lord? Or who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive blessing from the Lord. I as a believer am responsible for my own soul and acting out childishly is not helping, but hinders my spiritual growth. Even though someone has hurt or harmed me, it is my duty to forgive and still continue showing love to the person. Is it easy? Absolutely not, but it necessary.
So the next time you feel God trying to speak to you, He may be trying to tell you that you are headed down the wrong path. Ask yourself what your true motive is: is it pure or is it for self gain? You may not receive your answer immediately, but when you do likely you will realize your motive is for selfish purposes and not loving as God has willed us to do.