Whew! A lot has happened since I last entered this site.
God has been so good to me. He has been my protector and my provider. He has been my teacher. He has been my doctor and my lawyer. He has been my mortician. He was H/R. He was the salespeople and the loan department. He was the apartment manager. He has been my friend as it has been a very lonely time as He continues to work on me. He brings me great joy and in the mix of all that is LIFE!
Where do I begin? How do I catch up on four years? I need to write a book. I would not do it any justice to try and even explain all that I have experienced over the years.
I can say I was sent home. It would take some time, but the divorce went through. Three weeks later he was married. Two weeks after that I lost my son.
God blessed me for my former employer rehired me. At times I was homeless having to live in a car that was paid for. I had plenty of friends and family, but I didn't want to put anyone out. I guess pride can get in the way, but I also respect their privacy and didn't want to stay somewhere without them being there.
God has allowed me to slowly rebuild my life. Search for meaning. Search for Him! I sought counseling immediately and it has been a tremendous help. The church we left when we went to Japan welcomed me with open arms. Toni, you know who you are, was so instramental in helping me stay sane. She always invited me to the church functions. My church family prayed for me.
God showed me He had alternate plans for my life. He never gives me all the information all at once because He knows I would not be able to handle it. It is given in pieces because I would balk and run or ask a ton of questions knowing I would not get the answers I wanted. First, through a community class, I began a women's Bible study. Me! The person who is not a fan of people. I love them, but at a distance. This is going on year three.
Then he tells me I will enter the ministry. "To do what?" I ask. I don't have an answer for that one. Of course, I'm questioning this one. He can't be right. This has to be wrong. I heard this incorrectly. It was that pizza! It would take five months for me to stop running and I finally told God, "I give! I'm tired of running".
Two months later I decide to keep myself busy and start a Masters program which my employer approved of. The very next night, God told me to change my major to Masters of Divinity. Honestly, I don't even know what that is. I had to look it up. When I did, I asked God why so many religious classes? You do know my employer will not pay for this right? God sternly told me to call on Monday and have it changed. This was Saturday. On Monday I called and questioned if it was too late to change my major. They agreed to change it and agreed to pay for it. My jaw hit the floor. That was April 2018.
May/2018 the divorce was final. Even then he was giving mixed messages. Not my monkey. Not my circus. I miss him, but I realized a long time ago he was not ready for me. More on that on a different day.
June/2018 I lost my eldest. It tore me up and it took me awhile to deal with it. I am still dealing with it. I finally understand it when they used to say it is not natural to bury your child. So as I am having to deal with his arrangements and create a memorial service, I begin school. It is only then when it is revealed to me this is considered seminary. Can you say mind blown?
All I can say is God is so full of grace and mercy, all which I am so undeserving. I do not know the path He has me on, but I can say He reveals a little more when the time is right. Abba Father...words just can't describe. He is wonderful. I can't thank Him enough for all that he has done.
Fast forward to July/2020. It has been a strange year people. I pray you know who Jesus is and you have accepted him as your Lord and Savior. It seems we are living the Book of Revelation right before our very eyes. It is literally unfolding. The Coronavirus. The floods. The earthquakes. Just the weather as a whole. I believe we are going to have a very active hurricane season and I pray God proves me wrong. Satan and his imps are very busy and they are trying to take so many with him to hell. Stay woke! Be prepared! Prepare yourselves as the time draws near. All will have to account what they have done with their lives and for every word you have uttered. Every. Single. One.
I just wanted to encourage someone tonight. There are a lot of hurting and scared people. Christians need to unite and be the example. I pray for my city and even my immediate area every night. I pray for those in power as they will have to answer to God what they did and how they treated people, both in front of the camera and behind the scenes. I will pray for each of you. Please talk to your Father in Heaven and let the Holy Spirit be your guide. Read your Bible. Pray. Fast. Repeat. Turn off the television and social media as much as you can. Tune in to the God channel. He has much He wants to tell you.
Thank you for supporting me. I pray I bless you as much as you do me.
All I can say is a lot has happened in a year.
My lvoing husband was caught giving money to his ex-wife in secret along with a lot of communication. Apparently he didn't deal with that baggage and he allowed her to come in and destroy what was left of our marriage.
He has been investigated at his job for asking his EMPLOYEES for names and numbers of single girls in the area. Same reason he lost his last job. When will he learn? He has a new charge against him for creating a hostile work enviornment. I agree with it somewhat, but base officials had something to do with that. If I am subpoened, there is not much I can do now is it? Nope, only to tell the truth.
He asked for a divorce and sent me home from Japan back to the states. He has admitted he would, back then, to get back with his ex but his daughters are not having it. I guess the abuse he suffered at her hands, literally, has really messed him up and he can't think straight. He is also having other mental issues.
That being said, I am striving to deepen my relationship with God and have grown so much since my last post last year. It's hard to believe it has been a year. God has been so good to me and blessed me in spite of my issues. I will be the first one to say I didn't always handle my responses right every time I found he betrayed me again and again and again. I didn't handle it right when I caught him in so many lies. I didn't handle the fact that he threw me away like a piece of trash and yet I'm left to pick up the pieces.
Before I left Japan, I told him that many things would come to happen: his mental state would continue to deteriorate, his error in his hierachy would be corrected, but it would be a painful process, his would begin to have serious issues on the job, someone in his family would become ill, and he would be a lost person until he did right by me and most importantly, with God. I continue to pray God will soften his heart and turn him around to the path he should be as a Christian and as a husband. I can't control him. This is not my fight. This is not my battle. I am on a detour with God getting my stuff straight for myself. Although I hurt and I am in pain, I continue my life and live it as much as I can the way God intends. Not my will, but His. Not my timing, but His timing. I will be the first to admit this has not been an easy journey as we all know the path to growth is painful at times. I ask God to not let me miss any lessons as I do not want to repeat it period!
Thank you Lord for being my sustainer, my provider, and my best friend. Thank you for holding me in your loving arms when the pain and burdens got too bad for me to bear. Thank you for your presence at the times that I am lonely, yet I know this too will pass. I hear your voice when you tell me to hold on, to keep praying for my husband (to date, as far as I know, he has not filed for the divorce) and to lead him back to the path of righteousness. I know he has free will and it is so very frustarating when you want more for someone else than they want for themselves.
He was just here in the same city earlier this week and didn't have the courtesy to let me know. He is not obligated to I suppose. I just cringe knowing he is piling more on his plate for God and I hurt and ache for him. Silly me, right? I know he has told me last month that he WAS going to file for the divorce and God was just going to have to stop him as this is what HUBBY wanted. I literally took a step back as I could not believe what I was hearing. Then he said, even though God was prompting him to stay in this marriage, that he was sure God didn't want to direct every one of his steps and God knew his heart. I was speechless. A first for me. All I could think about is how it appeared he was mocking or challenging God. He is really lost my friends. I have been doing research, and along with depression, it seems like he is Bipolar I with narcisstic primary, personality disorder secondary. This man is so messed up.
Well a few days before he asked for a divorce, my old boss from my previous job reached out to me and asked if I ever wanted to come back, let her know and I could reapply for the position. God knew and had been preparing me for months in so many ways that I can't count them all. I did eventually get my job back, but I lost 18 years of tenure. I'm back at square one. No tenure, but still the same pay. I don't have a house any more, but living in an apartment...so 20 years ago...I gave both my job up to move to Japan to support him and my house when I married him.
I'm literally starting off with nothing, starting over again. It is a way of wiping the slate clean and beginning fresh with God at the helm. Thank you Lord.
Although I know both he and/or his ex visits this page, it doesn't matter to me. The truth shall prevail. I always say as long as you and God know the truth, then it doesn't matter what others think. I know that with dementia and Alzheimers, time is not on his side. Schizophrenia is her cup of tea in life. I say they can have each other.
I refuse to file for the divorce as I'm honoring my vow to God. However, once he files, I will not fight it other than a few minor adjustments.
I can admit I feel lost and not sure what to pray for. I know God keeps telling me he will blow my mind. I absoutely believe it. At times, it gets difficult, but I am not giving up.
Psalm 110 - 1
The story of Moses
The story of Jehosophat and the dooming large armies coming to attack him
All these have been a safe haven for me as I continue my growth. I lost a few friends because my loving husband told a twisted truth, but didn't tell all the truth. The same with the base community in Japan as well as his family. All I can say is karma is...well, we all know what it is. I never want God to reprimand me for my shortcomings and am quick to repent.
To all the ladies he tried to get with in the last four years, God bless you. I forgive you. I also feel sorry for you as he used you just like he used me.
Is he evil? I think so. I suspect he has a demon or two somewhere in him. He is not the same person and quite a few people know the same thing. He is conniving, a pathological liar, deceitful, selfish, mid-life crisis to boot, and a very lost soul. I pray God continues to work on his heart. He is saved, but his life here on Earth will not be very easy. I don't want God to punish him. I really don't. I ask forgiveness each time I ask God to protect my husband from himself and to no longer cause any additional hurt to anyone else.
Pray for me my friends.
I'm ready to start my essential oils business! www.mydoterra.com/TahneeSteele if your're interested.
I could write a book about raising my children. It would be a best seller. Likely I would get a huge influx of e-mails on how I came up with ideas on how to reach my children. I’d likely also have a lot of naysayers accusing me of abuse, neglect, uncaring and downright cruel punishments and behavior. I frankly don’t care what anyone has to say about that topic other than my own kids. I love them unconditionally. Was I perfect? Heck no! I would be the first to admit that I was quite flawed as a parent. For the most part, my kids turned out pretty good. Did they always get it right? No. Do I still worry about them and pray for them constantly? Absolutely! As we speak my eldest is going through some trying and challenging times and my heart goes out to him. He has distanced himself from his family which is something I never thought he would do. I just pray all the love, training, heart-to-heart talks, being involved in the church, and those hard lessons eventually will pay off and he will get his life together and back on track to serve God in a mighty way. Living 20 hours away by plane doesn’t help me as a mother, by the way.
Being a mother was/has been such a blessing to me and it still is even though my children are now in their twenties. Contrary to popular belief, parenting doesn’t end when they graduate from high school and college. It continues long past that, but your role as a parent changes as your kids grow and mature. You becomes more like an advisor to them. You can give them advice, but they ultimately choose their own path and make their own decisions. It is painful to watch them make mistakes. As a parent it is challenging and difficult NOT to rescue them when they are in trouble or need help. Absolutely I will step in when the situation becomes critical, but I have to give them the chance to figure things out first. I have to give them the opportunity to either fail or succeed. I have to let them try which is very important in their knowledge in how the real world operates.
I see kids around me all the time, whether it be at the medical clinic, the grocery store, in the mall, restaurants, and movie theaters. Who can relate to crying children on an airplane? They are everywhere! The problem is that there are spoiled and unruly kids everywhere!! I have little tolerance for parents who can’t control their kids. Sorry, that is just me. I purposely look for vacations that are not kid friendly. I don’t enjoy kids running up and down the hallway of my hotel in the wee hours of the morning. I don’t enjoy eating at restaurants and having my head being constantly hit by a toddler in the table behind me. The parents kept apologizing, but never reprimanded the little girl or had her sit down as she should have. In case you’re wondering, yes, I highly support restaurants that have adult only dining. Parents who can’t control their children should not ruin it for the rest of us humans.
Kids are going to be kids. That is their nature. The fine line is when we do not correct them or we try to act like their friend instead of their parent.
I know some parents that have nobody to talk to, so they unload their adult business onto their child which has to be daunting for child. How can you remain a child and have to deal with your parent’s adult mess? One friend of mine, who is a single mother, talks about her sexual conquests, her friends, her job, and family problems to her kids because she has very few friends. One of her children suffers from stomach ulcers (3 of them) at the age of nine. You have to find another outlet and let your kids be kids for as long as possible. Let them enjoy their innocence and you, as their parent, should celebrate that innocence with them. Engage with them daily and show them you remember how to be a kid from time to time. Relate to them on their level and you will be amazed at how much they enjoy you, even when they are being reprimanded because they know you love them.
Other parents must take their kids with them everywhere they go, to include weddings, baby showers, bridal showers, shopping just to name a few. Find a sitter, family member, or close friend that you trust that you can leave the kiddos with. Children should not expect or demand to go out with Mommy and Daddy as they have to learn how to be by themselves sometimes so that they can cope in the real world. Teach your children how to entertain yourself at a young age and suddenly doing things on your own doesn’t seem so bad. You must learn not to be dependent on anyone else for your happiness, but teach them to rely on themselves. It is okay to be alone and do things by yourself. I love going to movies, and occasionally I go alone. I get to eat all the popcorn and drink my unhealthy soda all by myself and not have to worry about bathroom trips that I would have had to make if my children had gone with me to the movies.
When my kids were much younger, they would come talk to me and tell me how their friends would talk back and yell at their parents when they didn’t get their way. These kids were not required to do any household chores. My kids were appalled at their friends’ behavior which made me quite proud. I was glad to see my children were noticing the differences in how they were raised compared to their friends. My kids had age appropriate chores beginning at the age of 5 when they had to make their bed. Then came washing dishes, then their own clothes, cleaning their room and their bathroom. They are self-sufficient and can do things for themselves. I am not sexist either. All my kids had to learn to cook and clean as well as do yard work. I remember one of my friends who had a teenaged daughter who told my friend, “It is your job as my Mother to buy me anything I want and let me do anything because you love me”. She really believed this because her circle of friends believed the same thing. My friend thought I was too hard on children, but began to see that I was right. By then it was too late. The precedent had been set and this child became quite rebellious. Eventually this child had to go live with her father because she was uncontrollable and unruly at school and at home.
I know cultural backgrounds has a lot to do with how we raise our children as well. It used to be that some cultures tend to be a little harder on their children than others. I can start with my husband and his daughters/my step daughters. I love them to pieces, as if they were my very own. However, when we became a blended family, I noticed they felt a sense of entitlement and commanded so much from him. The girls were much older when we married: two were in high school and the other was in her freshman year at college. It is still an uphill battle, but things have gotten better. He still spoils them to some degree, but nowhere near what it used to be. I, on the other hand, have three of my own children, all in their twenties. They are all out on their own doing their own thing, and I sit back and watch them as they progress through life. I try not to meddle, but I’m still Mom. I am still there for them and sometimes have to bail them out from a jam from time to time.
I was very strict on my kids when they were growing up, but I also had fun with them. I would turn the stereo on full blast each morning and play old school music. I would go into each bedroom singing at the top of my lungs waking each child up. They hated it! Within a few minutes, they were up and singing, had a positive attitude and ready to face their day at school.
My eldest son has the hardest time waking up in the morning and it became worse in high school and beyond. I would keep a spray bottle filled with water. On the days where he could not get up on his own to go to school, I would come in and attempt to wake him nicely. Twice. Two times. That is all you get with me. The third time, I added ice to the spray bottle, pulled back the covers and sprayed him thoroughly until he awoke. Needless to say, he was very upset with me, but my method worked. He was up and moving. I didn’t have to do that very often, and his younger two siblings always learned by example and did not repeat this mistake in my house.
I also see children controlling their parents or blaming their parents because their childhood was not satisfactory to them. Life may not always be peaches and cream. Your parents split up and divorced. Maybe you didn’t live the lifestyle that your friends had. Maybe your parents didn’t spoil you like you wanted. Again, you as the parent, are not there to be their friends, but to prepare them for life. Life is not fair and the sooner they accept there will be challenges as well as moments of extreme joy and happiness, the more rounded they will be.
You may think that I do not like children, which is an untrue statement. The truth is I love children as long as they are behaved and the parents have them under control. I used to be the Director of Sunday School for my church in San Antonio for 0-5 age range. I loved what I did and loved seeing the children learn. However, I expected them behave while in my care and that of the other teachers. If they misbehaved and continued to misbehave after redirection, I did not hesitate to find the parent and drop the child off with that parent in the adult Sunday School class. The parent was informed their child could not return to my class that day, but more than welcome to return next week if they were able to behave properly. Yes, the parents would be embarrassed and most would take little Johnny or little Susie to the restroom to have a private conversation with them.
At the beginning of each school year, I would go WITH each of my children to Meet the Teacher Night. I made it a point to speak with each and every teacher my child interacted with. I let them know up front that if my child was rude, disrespectful, disobedient or not doing their work, please let me know and I would handle it. I meant every single word that I said and over the course of the year, the teachers knew it too. How many of you would show up in your child’s class and spend the entire day with them to ensure your child knew you meant business when it came to their education? Would you show up purposely in a tattered pink robe and fuzzy pink slippers and pink hair rollers and spend the day with your sophomore student and shadow their every move? I know someone who did (smile).
Would you be willing to go to such extremes for your children? How many of you blame the teacher when it is really your job to raise your child? The adage it takes a village to raise a child is very true, but no longer popular. Parents are quick to defend their children rather than correcting them. Be their parent!
Wake up call! God did not bless us with children so that we could be their friend. In actuality, God blessed us with children so that we could raise future wives and husbands. Isn’t that a scary thought? They weren’t put on this Earth to cater to us, but so that we may raise them so that God would be pleased with them. If your child were to get married tomorrow, would their future wife or husband be pleased with how you raised them or prepared them for marriage? Have you made excuses for them so often that they don’t know how to cope in life? Can they function as an adult without your assistance? When they interview for jobs, do they tell the interviewer to call my parents to discuss my salary and benefits (true story)? When they are having difficulty in a college course, can they talk to the professor or does Mommy and Daddy have to step in for them because they can’t function without their helicopter parent?
My youngest son is the only one that is married at the time that I write this. It was the ultimate compliment when his wife, my daughter-in-law, sent me a Mother’s Day card this year thanking me for raising such a wonderful son and she loves the man he grew up to be. Isn’t that awesome? Would your future son-in-law and daughter-in-law say the same about your children when they get married?
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”. You have to raise your children when they are young and impressionable. They are able to learn so much and seem like sponges – they seem to just soak it all up with little effort. You have to do your part as their parent. Also Proverbs 13:25 says, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly”. Absolutely I spanked my children, but as they grew older, I found other ways to reprimand them. I would ground them and take away things that meant the most to them. For example, my boys hated not going outside and play so their punishment would likely be do inside chores or some manual labor outside. My daughter, however, was a control freak and had to be in charge of everything. I would restrict her from touching the television remote and she had to watch whatever the rest of the family watched and could not change the channel. Each child is different and you have to learn who they are in order for this work.
I highly encourage you to use a practice I used to have with my kids called Amnesty Hour. It had to be one of me most trying times that challenged me on every level possible. I learned this from Military Basic Training when the trainees would talk about things that occurred during their stint there. I adopted it as I wanted to ensure my kids had an open forum to talk to me about anything without any repercussion, punishment, anger or retaliation. At first it was hard for the kids to open up, but soon they were telling me things that I really didn’t want to hear. Once they knew for certain they could not be punished in any way, and I kept my word to them, they relaxed and began to talk. I will be the first to tell you some of the things they confessed to me made me cringe or made my skin crawl. Other times I wanted to drop my mouth because I was shocked MY CHILD would do some of the things they shared with me. A time or two I had to take a shot of some hard liquor after our meeting was over to calm my nerves. One time I had to get in my car and drive 3 hours each way and cry out to God because I felt like a failure as a parent. I was thankful they were honest with me, but hearing some of the things they did would not be easy on anyone. I never let on that I was upset in front of them while they were admitting their sins and wrongdoings. I just listened and calmly told them how it affected me, but I never lost my temper. I was calm through each meeting. We would then talk about possible repercussions, what they learned from each incident, and if they could do it again, what would they do differently. They began to like it so much, THEY began requesting Amnesty Hour. Those often caught me off guard and I wasn’t as prepared as I would normally be, but I was determined to keep that channel of communication open so that we could establish both trust and honesty.
Some of my girlfriends were single parents and whenever their children would misbehave to the point where my friends were pulling their hair out, they would send their child to stay with me for the weekend. Needless to say, I never had a child to have to stay with me more than once. I really could write a book on the antics I used with all the children I interacted with, to include my very own ankle biters.
The only piece of advice I can offer you is that your job as a parent can be rewarding, but it is so much more when you put it into the proper perspective. Pray with your child each night and ask a special blessing on their future spouse. It may not make sense to them at that time, but once they get married and have children of their own, they will appreciate all that you have done for them.
First I must confess another struggle I have to deal with often which is procrastination. In my favor I have been thinking about this topic for some time, but wanted some time to think about it. I also question if this blog is something that is within God's will for my life, but I received confirmation two weeks ago in church. I was praying about it when the pastor read the very scripture that my blog is based on. My husband heard it and later confirmed he knew that was a confirmation for me too. So, here we go. Let's jump in.
I am a Christian and I will not apologize for it. The decision is mine and mine alone, so please refrain if you have a difference of opinion on my beliefs.
I fail to remember the blog that inspired my thoughts today, but after much research, it is from the blog titled Unveiled Wife. Jennifer Smith often posts subject matter that hits home. This one was no exception. I also definitely recommend her book with the same title. It is great reading and I can honestly say I've read it a few times. I've even given a copy or two away to other women that seem they needed the book more than me at the time. She also wrote Wife After God which I highly recommend as well.
In a nutshell, the blog discussed your motives in life. Your real motives. Why do you do the things you do? Are you honest with yourself or do you make excuses because you know what you are doing is wrong? Do you try to justify why you think what you do or act the way you do or the temptation to seek revenge against someone you feel has wonged you? It is a deep subject. Admittedy, many people are not honest with themselves and may not understand my motive behind this blog. Again, I encourage self awareness and growth in order to become a more mature person and all those you come in contact with. Ultimately, it is to help you too.
God has certainly helped me with my anger issues early on in life. I still struggle with it from time to time, but in those moments of intense anger or feeling a loss of control, I have to ask myself why I feel the way I do. Am I trying to place blame on my husband to cover up how I really feel? Often I find that is the case. It is not pleasant at times because it tends to be panful. God wants us all to grow and you cannot and should not hinder your own progress and ultimately a blessing from God.
I use this exercise all the time and recently I practiced it with my husband. He was upset about a subject, which I can't recall at this time. I felt there was more to this and that he was angry and frustrated. I asked him what his real motive behind the action he wanted to take. He was quiet at first, but he admitted it was out of retaliation and revenge. Again, I didn't use this execisse to embarrass or shame him, but help him to see the bigger picture. How awesome is that?
My husband and I struggle with trust as it has recently been broken. As many of you are aware, trust can be broken so easily, yet so hard to rebuild. I have good and bad days, but on my bad days I force myself to acknowledge my feelings and recognize it is okay to feel the way I am feelng. However, when I lash out at my husband that is where I cross the line. It is not loving. God would not be pleased with me. I have to acknowledge how I feel and also WHY I feel the way I do in order for me to continue to heal. Sometimes I allow the enemy to fester and I want to hurt him the way he hurt me. It is defintely a testimony as I can see growth in my life. Ten years ago I would have packed and left. Even though nothing seriousy happened, it was still a sin and I was deeply hurt and wounded as I could not imagine my husband would ever do this as it is not his nature. So again, I'm not preaching to you as I'm having to practice this in my own life. I am not perfect and I have fallen short on so many occasions, to include against my husband. John 8:7 says He who is without sin among you, cast the first stone. Obviously I cannot do that. I sin. I sin everyday. It may not be the same sin, but I fall short EACH AND EVERY DAY. Who am I to be his judge and jury? The sin hurt me and affected our relationship, but ulitmately he will have to anwer to the Lord. I hold onto that tightly sometimes to get me through. Not my will, but Thy will be done Lord.
Psalm 24:3-5 says who may ascend into the hill of the Lord? Or who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive blessing from the Lord. I as a believer am responsible for my own soul and acting out childishly is not helping, but hinders my spiritual growth. Even though someone has hurt or harmed me, it is my duty to forgive and still continue showing love to the person. Is it easy? Absolutely not, but it necessary.
So the next time you feel God trying to speak to you, He may be trying to tell you that you are headed down the wrong path. Ask yourself what your true motive is: is it pure or is it for self gain? You may not receive your answer immediately, but when you do likely you will realize your motive is for selfish purposes and not loving as God has willed us to do.
It is my first attempt at blogging. I'm excited, apprehensive, afraid and a bundle of nerves. I have a lot to say and things I want to share with the world. Maybe this will make me the writer I have always wanted to become.
I welcome feedback and constructive criticism. If you do not have anything positive to say, please refrain from staying here.
There will be a variety of topics, so hold on to your seats. I look forward to sharing with you and I hope I add something to your lives.
Guess it's time to share with my husband!
Today's topic is humor. God certainly has a sense of humor, I think, when he created marriage. I look at how marriages struggle today. I wonder if it is only in the US where we have such a high divorce rate. Why does mariage have to be so hard at times? Why can't men and women just naturally understand each other instead of having to learn the other's language and communication style? How many self help books are available for sale at this very moment on this very topic? Too many in my opinion. I'm all for improving yourself and your marriage and a lot of these books are great. Even someone that is seasoned in marriage can always learn something new.
I think Gary Chapman explained it best: marriage was created to prepare you to serve others and who better than to start with your spouse? It is an eye opening experience when you realize you have it all wrong and you have to change, evolve and grow which is something most people do not like to do. I like growth, but not painful growth.